Las Vegas is such a sexy town. Between the hot dry desert nights filled with dazzling lights, sensual performers and sparkling, sun kissed days one can’t help but feel extra sexy cruising around there. But I have a confession to make: In all the times I’ve visited Vegas, I have never sinned in Sin City.
I’m single and each time I go to Vegas to work or vacation, I pack a “just in case” bag with new lingerie, a disposable toothbrush and scented travel candles. I have always ended up using the candles alone in bubble baths in my hotel suite and when I get back to Chicago I sigh deeply and unpack the lingerie, brand new, yet again. I asked a friend why he thinks I have been “sin- free” for the last few years and he said, “It’s because you are the marrying kind. A man falls for you and wants it all or nothing.” Well, if that’s true, it sucks to be me, cause as far as I’m concerned a taste of honey is not worse than none at all, it’s a taste, by gum and I’m starving!
It’s ironic because although I am a serial monogamist and my last two relationships lasted almost ten years apiece, I have never dreamed of being married. As a little girl I never dreamed of my wedding or a fluffy white dress. The whole process of getting married seemed the very antithesis of romance. I dreamed only of the honeymoon, of an ultra romantic trip to an exotic island with my man still in the first flush of new love. As Gauguin said, “Over there in the silence of tropical nights I will be able to listen to the soft music whispering the motions from my heart.”
Since time is ticking away, and I really want my mom to be well enough to attend the party, I’m going to give prospective beaus a little heads up on what I’m looking for. The first essential element that attracts me can only be described as chemistry. Chemistry to me is when you literally can’t take your eyes or your hands off each other. You laugh easily because you get each other’s sense of humor. You feel like they could play some Cole Porter and you’d be able to dance with this person like Fred and Ginger. Deeper than love at first sight, it’s a sense of instant recognition, a familiarity not of this world. You think- this is one of my kind, a kindred spirit. You feel that you have been both launched into the atmosphere and placed firmly on the ground of your own creative potential. It’s like the first day of college and there are all these exciting new courses to explore. It’s like when two friendly doggies meet in the park and do that silent wrestling, neck-biting thing, rolling over and over in the grass. Chemistry insures much exciting conversation, my favorite aphrodisiac. Chemistry is joyfully instantaneous, and requires no effort. It can’t be hidden cause it’s written all over your face and it can’t be manufactured. If it’s there, the sky’s the limit. If it’s not, there won’t even be a first date.
My kind of lover is assertive and ambitious like me, with lots he still wants to achieve. I admit, I’m pretty impatient when that old black magic is in play, especially after four years on the sidelines, so if you feel it too- please be a straight shooter! Don’t drag your feet or be wishy-washy and incommunicative. At this age, honey, we all have baggage and complications to work out but I need bold, direct contact. If you ring the bell, baby, deliver the pizza, don’t just run away scared when I answer or I’ll lose respect for you and interest in the whole affair.
You can always win me back with flowers, water and surprises. If there is water on our date, whether we eat near it, swim in it, or sail on it, I’ll be a happy camper. I love gallant, romantic surprises, but there is a difference between a surprise and an emergency. A happy surprise is when he calls and says he is taking you to Hawaii next month. But if he calls and says pack and be at the airport, we are going to Hawaii tonight, that’s not a surprise, it’s a fire drill!
This last trip to Vegas was no exception as yet another promising romance misfired, but as I strolled past the wedding chapels in each hotel and saw tuxedo and gown wearing families happily hugging or laughing, drunken, bachelorette parties wandering the hotels wearing veils and penis shaped balloon hats, I had a new idea about marriage. I realized the wedding isn’t for you so much as it is a celebration for your family and friends. It reassures them that you really have someone special to grow with. It makes me sad that so many of my close family members are gone now that my wedding guest list probably wouldn’t exceed a dozen people. My first two relationships lasted longer than many marriages; they were faithful, creatively productive, caring alliances and deserved to be celebrated at the time. The next time I fall in love, we may not get married, but we will have a wedding party and a honeymoon- but not in that order!
Amazing Johnathan – Magically funny!
Okay maybe romance fizzled for me in Vegas but friendships blossomed when I met Jon and Penny of the show Amazing Johnathan at The Harmon Theatre. They are two of the coolest, sweetest people I’ve met in Vegas. Not only did they give me a very funny interview for my show, “The Greenroom”, but they also played a mean game of water volleyball at Carrot Top’s house that filled my day with laughter and joy. Check it out now at www.Buzznews.TV.
It’s “A Katz Life” so get in on the action TV Producers!
My good friend, writer Sue Allor, has created a wonderful reality show concept about my glamorous and sometimes not so glam life writing in Chicago, caring for my mom, and my work interviewing and writing about celebrities. It’s called “A Katz Life” and we really need help getting it on a good channel like A & E, WE, Bravo or IFC. We are looking for Executive Producers to help us direct the pilot episode. Do you know somebody who knows somebody in the biz who might want to invest his or her time in this awesome project? Ask and we shall receive -we hope! So send us an email or call Buzz at (708) 485-9390 and get in on the ground floor!
“O” that “Thunder from Down Under”!
Also in this special Vegas issue, check out my reviews of two very sexy, sensual yet classy shows ”O” from Cirque De Soleil at the Bellagio and “Thunder from Down Under” at Excalibur. I highly recommend them both to get you in the mood for lovin’ while on vacay’ in Vegas.
Love ya Kit Cats! Keep scratching and meowing!
Kim Katz
